the gmail account that this blog was linked to got hacked by some sort of fabulous virus. so i am leaving, dear friends for greener (& hopefully better protected!) pastures. if you responded in comments to the below posts, i will email you my new location. if you didn't respond, but want to follow, drop me a comment. i'll leave this blog up for a bit, but i won't be posting here any longer.
i hate doing this, since i'm sure i'll lose some of my few readers & contrary to my claims that i write just for myself, i do enjoy the company in my writings & wanderings.
thanks for reading, & i hope to see you over on the new blog!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
cabin fever
i am antsy. i need to get out of the house. but i am not yet capable of lifting anything other than emmma (altho thankfully i CAN finally lift her by myself!) & i am still on lots of drugs, nor can i move very fast, so driving or going anywhere with the dudes is pry not the best idea. i also am not yet up for walking any where more significant than around the house & after trying stairs this morning decided that it may be a few days yet before i can manage our second floor.
c-section complications are not fun. (& i don't want to hear any crap about having a c-section. it was safest for em & for me. we don't take risks with our kids' health. end of story. even knowing what would happen afterwards, i'd still chose the surgery again.)
anyways-- regardless of all that, i am bored & antsy & in need of some sort of action.
a couple personal notes:
karianne-- if you're reading, stay tuned. once i find my camera, i have some pics to share, just for you & miss K!
kristi from nebraska-- if you're reading, lurkers like you are the reason i'm dragging my feet about going private. i don't write with inspriation as my intent, but knowing it's been a source of entertainment or hope for you makes me feel like maybe i've done a tiny bit of good in the world, especially knowing how lonely i felt after losing our first boys. i hope you don't mind being mentioned in a post (if you do, i'll remove this) but i just wanted to say thanks for de-lurking long enough to comment!
c-section complications are not fun. (& i don't want to hear any crap about having a c-section. it was safest for em & for me. we don't take risks with our kids' health. end of story. even knowing what would happen afterwards, i'd still chose the surgery again.)
anyways-- regardless of all that, i am bored & antsy & in need of some sort of action.
a couple personal notes:
karianne-- if you're reading, stay tuned. once i find my camera, i have some pics to share, just for you & miss K!
kristi from nebraska-- if you're reading, lurkers like you are the reason i'm dragging my feet about going private. i don't write with inspriation as my intent, but knowing it's been a source of entertainment or hope for you makes me feel like maybe i've done a tiny bit of good in the world, especially knowing how lonely i felt after losing our first boys. i hope you don't mind being mentioned in a post (if you do, i'll remove this) but i just wanted to say thanks for de-lurking long enough to comment!
Friday, June 11, 2010
updates
so the mini-surgery (raelly jsut re-opening the incision to drain the blood) went awesome yesterday-- no anesthesia & i was home in 2 hrs, just in time to feed a hungry emma. :)
so i'm still a bit sore, but the horrible burning feeling is gone & i am hopeful that in a week or so i'll be feeling better. as long as i don't need *real* surgery again, the biggest bummer over all this is that it's going to take longer to heal, but at least i can be home while i'm healing. i go back on monday & we'll see how things are looking then.
in other news-- i got our mo.by wrap today & so far really like it! yes, it's going to be warm this summer, but i mostly want it for around the house & i can crank our air conditioning as needed. i originally got the k't.an, but discovered that the size that fit the rest of me did NOT work with the boobs. or, it worked with the boobs, but left no room for baby. so i returned that one, which other wise i think i would have liked & went with the classic. emma is currently happily curled up in a "hug" hold right now. :)
so i'm still a bit sore, but the horrible burning feeling is gone & i am hopeful that in a week or so i'll be feeling better. as long as i don't need *real* surgery again, the biggest bummer over all this is that it's going to take longer to heal, but at least i can be home while i'm healing. i go back on monday & we'll see how things are looking then.
in other news-- i got our mo.by wrap today & so far really like it! yes, it's going to be warm this summer, but i mostly want it for around the house & i can crank our air conditioning as needed. i originally got the k't.an, but discovered that the size that fit the rest of me did NOT work with the boobs. or, it worked with the boobs, but left no room for baby. so i returned that one, which other wise i think i would have liked & went with the classic. emma is currently happily curled up in a "hug" hold right now. :)
Thursday, June 10, 2010
at the risk of having to eat my words....
i am feeling a bit more optimistic today.
i have enough milk pumped for a couple feedings. 2 bottles (the max i can figure she'd need, altho i'm hoping she'll just sleep the whole time) will NOT permanently put her off the boob, since that's all i plan on offering the kid once i'm home.
once they stop the bleeding & the pressure is off the giant wound, i'm guessing (hoping) i'll feel loads better. kind of like when you finally get the splinter out, or pop that giant blister... right?
i am not a wuss & am thinking N will pry stress out during the procedure more than i will. (the man is a soldier when it comes to blood & gore, unless it's mine, in which case he tends to freak.)
both my parents are coming over to watch the kids, so despite my totally unfounded, but very real, anxiety over leaving my week-old baby for a couple hours, i know all 3 goobers will be well cared for & spoiled as much as possible during that time.
i am very much looking forward to this all being over.
i have enough milk pumped for a couple feedings. 2 bottles (the max i can figure she'd need, altho i'm hoping she'll just sleep the whole time) will NOT permanently put her off the boob, since that's all i plan on offering the kid once i'm home.
once they stop the bleeding & the pressure is off the giant wound, i'm guessing (hoping) i'll feel loads better. kind of like when you finally get the splinter out, or pop that giant blister... right?
i am not a wuss & am thinking N will pry stress out during the procedure more than i will. (the man is a soldier when it comes to blood & gore, unless it's mine, in which case he tends to freak.)
both my parents are coming over to watch the kids, so despite my totally unfounded, but very real, anxiety over leaving my week-old baby for a couple hours, i know all 3 goobers will be well cared for & spoiled as much as possible during that time.
i am very much looking forward to this all being over.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
brief updates & shameless request for good thoughts tomorrow...
the doc appt/mini-surgery for the screwed up incision is tomorrow at 1. i managed (with effort!) to pump plenty for emma in case she's hungry before we get back, but i'm hoping my mom can stave her off (or better yet, that she'll sleep) until i'm home.
i actually feel marginally better today, so i'm hoping if they take care of the bleeding, that i'll really start to feel decent again soon.
em is still doing great, & the boys are awesome as always. they're only mildly interested in their new sister, but we have finally managed to convince them that she is not, in fact, a kitty. i consider the discovery that we're all the sam species an important first step on the path to a healthy sibling relationship, so we're pretty pleased. :)
i actually feel marginally better today, so i'm hoping if they take care of the bleeding, that i'll really start to feel decent again soon.
em is still doing great, & the boys are awesome as always. they're only mildly interested in their new sister, but we have finally managed to convince them that she is not, in fact, a kitty. i consider the discovery that we're all the sam species an important first step on the path to a healthy sibling relationship, so we're pretty pleased. :)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
crushed.
i heard from my doc today, & while em is doing beautifully, i'm not doing quite so well. i've had alot of trouble with the incision from my c-section- in the hospital it wouldnt quit bleeding, & then it became increasingly painful & started oozing again once we got home. sunday night it bled through everything i was wearing, so i put a call in to my doc & went back to the hospital to have it checked out. they didn't find any infection (good) but found lots of bleeding behind the incision (not good). my doc called today fora status report & it's actually been hurting worse. when i told him that he said he thought we'd need to schedule an additional surgery to take care of it (i.e. drain it). i got off the phone & burst into tears, as another surgery means anesthesia, which means no feeding em & more time away from all of my kids.
it's been so hard being home & being unable to do anything. i can't play with my boys, i can't sit on the floor with them or feed them, or help put them to bed. i can't even lift my 8lb daughter. but i can feed her, which means the world to me, espcially since i wasn't able to BF the boys & it's pretty much the only mommy thing i'm capable of doing right now. i've been so proud & happy over how well she's eating. the BFing experience has been everything every says it wont be right away-- it doesn't hurt, she knows exactly how to latch, supply is great, it really coudn't be going smoother & i've been holding on to that as something that's going well, since it's all i can do. it's been keeping my frustration at bay, & the thought of losing that too (even temporarily) just crushed me.
i think my doc guessed how miserable i was at the idea of another hospital stay, so he called back & offered to try to do it with a local anesthetic so i could go home & BF the same day. i was warned that it could be pretty painful & if it was too bad i'd have to have surgery anyways. of course i opted for the local anesthetic & i am going to do my damndest to just deal with the pain. i want to heal, & i want to be home & be with my babies.
the "procedure" is scheduled for thurday afternoon (i asked to push it back a couple days so i can hopefully pump enough for the feeding or 2 i'll miss). i'll be glad to be out of pain, (i tried to describe it to my mom , & its most like being burned. it feels like some one is laying a piece of burning metal across my belly all the time), but i'm dreading this & i'm stressed about pumping screwing with my supply, or em liking bottles more than boob. i hate pumping.
my mom is going to stick around to help out, but she's also having a rough time, since she just found out a dear friend of hers died yesterday by choking during lunch. they had grown less close in recent years bc they no longer lived very near, but it's still hit her hard.
all of this combined with post partum hormones is making me very weepy.
oh, & it's my birthday.
p.s. yes, i'm still planning on going private, so if you haven't already, see the below post & drop me a comment.
it's been so hard being home & being unable to do anything. i can't play with my boys, i can't sit on the floor with them or feed them, or help put them to bed. i can't even lift my 8lb daughter. but i can feed her, which means the world to me, espcially since i wasn't able to BF the boys & it's pretty much the only mommy thing i'm capable of doing right now. i've been so proud & happy over how well she's eating. the BFing experience has been everything every says it wont be right away-- it doesn't hurt, she knows exactly how to latch, supply is great, it really coudn't be going smoother & i've been holding on to that as something that's going well, since it's all i can do. it's been keeping my frustration at bay, & the thought of losing that too (even temporarily) just crushed me.
i think my doc guessed how miserable i was at the idea of another hospital stay, so he called back & offered to try to do it with a local anesthetic so i could go home & BF the same day. i was warned that it could be pretty painful & if it was too bad i'd have to have surgery anyways. of course i opted for the local anesthetic & i am going to do my damndest to just deal with the pain. i want to heal, & i want to be home & be with my babies.
the "procedure" is scheduled for thurday afternoon (i asked to push it back a couple days so i can hopefully pump enough for the feeding or 2 i'll miss). i'll be glad to be out of pain, (i tried to describe it to my mom , & its most like being burned. it feels like some one is laying a piece of burning metal across my belly all the time), but i'm dreading this & i'm stressed about pumping screwing with my supply, or em liking bottles more than boob. i hate pumping.
my mom is going to stick around to help out, but she's also having a rough time, since she just found out a dear friend of hers died yesterday by choking during lunch. they had grown less close in recent years bc they no longer lived very near, but it's still hit her hard.
all of this combined with post partum hormones is making me very weepy.
oh, & it's my birthday.
p.s. yes, i'm still planning on going private, so if you haven't already, see the below post & drop me a comment.
Friday, June 4, 2010
going private...
i decided to open this back up briefly, to let you all know i think i'm going private. if you want to keep reading, please drop me a message in comments since i'll need your email to give you access. lurkers, you are welcome to keep reading, you'll just have to de-lurk long enough to let me know. i'm going private to protect the kids' privacy.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Emma
Her birth story really starts on Friday, when we went into L&D with contrax that i *knew* were different, but unfortunately (for me anyways!) weren't making fast enough progress to justify moving up the c-section, so we got a shot of terb.utaline & sent home, where the contrax slowed enough for me to sleep friday night & then persisted through sunday night. i know it sounds weird, but when i went to bed sunday night, i just had a feeling she'd be coming that night. i was up every half hour or so, & then at 2am got woken up with killer contrax, tried to tough it out for a half hour or so (lord knows what i was thinking!) & then called my mom to come over & stay with the guys. N in the meantime had gotten up with the boys, & by 330am we were on our way to the hospital. N called our OB on the way there, who asked no questions & just said he'd meet us there.
i'd been hoping to avoid the whole painful labor thing on the front end, since i knew recovery from surgery would hurt, but no such luck. L&D was super quiet tho & my doc rocks, so we only had to wait til 5 to head into surgery. the spinal was a piece of cake & N & i were talking & laughing thru the whole surgery-- it was a VERY different feeling than when we delivered the boys. much more peaceful, & low(er) stress. Em was born at 533am, she got to stay with me & N all thru the 2hrs i had to be in recovery. it has been beyond wonderful to actually KEEP my baby with me this whole time. i feel like alot of people take for granted being able to hold their baby right away, but after having NICU babies, i've really treasured these first few days with our girl.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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